In August 2019 I looked around in Tantric circles on Facebook because I came to a point in my relationship where I didn’t feel any sexual attraction anymore. By accident, I came across Michael, and I want to share what happened since then.
Three months ago I was at a point in my life where I didn’t know how to proceed. I felt empty, not alive, without passion for anything. The physical attraction to my three-year relationship partner was gone, and we were seeing a couple of therapists.
Now after three months of practicing forbidden Yoga and attending a two-week Sensual Liberation Retreat in Thailand nothing much on the outside has changed - but I feel very different about it.
During the two weeks at the camp, amazing things happened. We would usually start our days at 5 am before sunrise with an hour of exercise and meditation. During the day we sometimes practiced, other times we would just sit and talk or enjoy the beautiful island in Thailand we were on. Three amazing female “placeholders” joined me at the camp to practice with me under the supervision and leadership of Michael.
Our nights were filled with Rituals of many hours, often past midnight. Usually, they would involve the placeholders, and most of the time they were performed naked. One of my favorite Rituals involved the five senses. For example, I was smelling a placeholder all over her body. And since smell is my most intense sense, I totally loved it. At the same time, the placeholder had to perform a matching activity, in this case, Mula Bandha.
Another Ritual included joint breathing patterns with specific mantras. The interesting part about the Rituals is that mostly Michael didn’t explain what they are for. All he said was to wait and see what would happen. I liked that “non-direct approach” very much since it took away my ambition to get somewhere. But instead, just observe my feelings and being. And be surprised by the change.
Michael is a fantastic person, teacher, and friend. He can read people so well. I always felt that he knew what I needed next and also how I felt. I could feel that he cared about me and I could feel his love - for me, and for people in general. It is also very inspiring to see how he deals with foreign people, like in a coffee shop. His attitude and way of being let people trust him quickly, made them laugh, or just connect with him in a way they usually might not.
So what were some of the amazing things that happened there? First I felt that my sexual energy came back to me in a way I haven’t felt for many years. I also recognized that I had moved too much into my female energy and lost my strong and stable masculine energy. That came back slowly and it felt so good and natural...
During the third night there I had a dream and I remember waking up while the dream would still continue for a few moments. There, my grandmother said one sentence to me: “don’t be scared, just let it flow”. I remember that I was so touched by this that the tears started to flow. Having trust in life itself and the flow of life was such a good image I wanted to hold on to.
After the first week, I had my first inner orgasm without ejaculation during sex. I didn’t do any technique, nothing. It just happened - and it was mind-blowing.
During the two weeks, I also noticed that I only express a few of the aspects of my personality. I experienced that I could play with them, without having to choose one over the other. I could be funny and childish in one moment and very serious in the other. Exploring those different aspects and also how they felt made me curious to explore more of those within me.
Now, after the camp, I still don’t know exactly what to do - with my life or my relationship. But I’m much more confident that all will fall in place very soon. And whatever happens will be great! Don’t be scared - just let it flow… MARKUS
